


We've All Gone Crazy Lately

by jperalta



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Depression, F/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2019-07-03 10:48:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15817359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jperalta/pseuds/jperalta
Summary: Amy attempts to comfort Jake during the height of a depressive episode.





	1. Chapter 1

Amy knocked twice on Jake's door. "Jake? It's me - your favorite person. I brought you some food." There was no response. "Jake, please open the door. No one's seen you in weeks."

On the other side of the door, everything was wrong. There were empty boxes of crackers and other snacks all over the room. It was noon and the sun was shining, but the curtains were drawn tight, as they had been for about three weeks now. His sheets were dirty from not being washed despite him spending almost twenty four hours a day in his bed. A few moments ago his arm had fallen asleep, so he had been jabbing at it with a nail, unable to feel anything except slight static going up and down his arm. At this point his arm was now covered with red and white marks from poking and pulling across his skin with the nail. The room was extremely stuffy from no windows being open for weeks, and no air circulating into the room since his door was always closed.

When he heard Amy's voice, a few tears left his eyes and fell onto the pillow. He wanted to find the energy to stand up and let her in, but the idea made him nauseous and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it anyway. 

"You know what," Amy continued nervously, "I'm going to break this door down. Is it okay if I break the door down?" There was no reply. "I'm going to take silence as a yes." She was trying to hide her concern with an act of her normal tone, but really she was terrified that she would break into the room and find him dead. With a few kicks, the door popped inwards and upon doing so, hit a large pile of trash. Amy looked around and immediately knew Jake had been having a depressive episode again. She wanted to cry because of how worried she had been, but she stuffed it down with a sigh as she looked up and saw Jake picking at his arm with a nail. She had to do something - even if it was all just temporary. She pushed her hair out of her eyes and took in a breath.

The first thing she did was go into his bathroom and grab some rubbing alcohol and a towel. She walked back into his room, poured some alcohol on the towel, and put it on his arm without saying anything. He winced a bit at the sting, and he didn't say anything either. He knew he needed to be cared for. She took the nail from his hand and put it in her purse. She sat across from him on the bed and put her hand on his head. His skin was warm and clammy, and she knew he hadn't showered in probably a week, if not more. When she touched him he closed his eyes as tears trickled out, as if he knew what she was thinking and that he was ashamed of himself. She wished that just telling him it was okay would be enough, but she knew it wasn't, so she kept quiet. 

She stood up and let him hold the towel on his arm himself as she went to the kitchen to grab a trash bag. In the kitchen she noticed that the sink was full of dishes and that a small population of ants were working their way through them. She was overcome with sadness as she looked into the fridge and saw hardly anything there. She grabbed a large bag and headed back to Jake's room, then began to put all of his trash into the bag. After everything was picked up, she went back to the kitchen and washed all of the dishes. Then she returned to his room and after warning him, opened up the curtains to all three of the windows. Light flooded the room and highlighted the dust that had been dancing in the dark. She looked back over to Jake. The towel had fallen to the ground and he was now picking at the marks on his arm with his hand. She walked over to him, sat on the bed again, and took his hand in her own. "Jake," she finally said, "we need to get you help."

He opened his mouth to speak but struggled for what to say. His mouth was dry and he felt like the world was spinning. “Amy,” he stuttered, “I don’t know what to do.” Amy tried to hide the tears that had fallen from her eyes as she became unable to hide her concern over him. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 

Amy crawled next to him on the bed and wrapped her arms around him and he curled himself into a small ball. She could feel his heart racing under her arms and she wiped her cheeks on the back of his shirt. “You have nothing to be sorry about,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “It’s not your fault. These things happen. We’re going to get you help.” 

He let out a painful sob. “I don’t deserve you,” he cried out. “I’ll only hurt everyone.”

She wrapped one arm tighter around his chest and pressed her other hand to his warm cheeks. “Jake, you have me. You deserve me. I’m not going anywhere.” He let out another loud sob and curled his own arms around hers. “I’m not going anywhere.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Honey,” Amy said gently, “Please, just stand up - or even sit.”

Jake clutched his hair in his hands and curled his legs towards his stomach. “I… can’t,” he said in distress. “I’m sorry, I’m... please go away.”

Amy was hurt by what he said, although she knew she shouldn’t be. She knew it was just the depression talking - the desire to be alone, in the dark, doing nothing. She didn’t say anything in response.

“I didn’t mean that,” Jake said in a shaky tone before whispering, “fuck.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it.” She put a hand on his shoulder, and he reached back to touch it. His hand was shaking. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pressure you to do anything.” She felt him squeeze her hand tightly and she wanted to do anything she could to make him feel even a little bit better. “It’s just that…” She put another hand onto his side and could swear she could feel his ribs. “Jake, when’s the last time you ate?”

He wiped the tears away from his eyes. “I… I’m not sure. Um, I think I had a few rice cakes yesterday, but I…” More tears escaped from his eyes. “I ended up vomiting within the hour.”

Amy wiped her own tears away that had fallen onto her cheeks. “Oh Jake…” she held him tighter. “When’s the last time you’ve been able to keep down a full meal?”

The silence hurt, and she wanted to sob, but she couldn’t let herself. 

“Um,” Jake began, his voice still incredibly shaky, “whenever you brought that soup over.”

She let out something that was a combination of a sigh and a gasp. “That was 6 days ago.” She looked at his face and saw the emptiness in his eyes. Her heart rate started to escalate and she tried hard to keep her own voice steady. “You’re going to die if you keep living like this.” She pulled him into an upright position and pressed his back against the wall. “Jake, come on.” 

All he could do was sit there with his eyes shut tight, tears pooling onto the tops of his cheeks. His jaw was clenched tight. He stayed like that for a few seconds before pulling his head forward then backward quickly, slamming the back of his head against the wall. 

Amy yanked him forward and wrapped her arms around his head. “I’m taking you to the hospital,” she said sobbing, “I don’t know what to do. I can’t help you. You need a doctor.” Jake’s full weight fell onto Amy as she struggled to keep the two of them upright. “We’re going to get you help, and it’ll be okay, I promise.” She held him tighter. “I promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fast-forward three weeks. Jake has gone to the hospital and has been back home for a bit. He had seen a doctor who prescribed him some medication, and he had a therapist that he saw twice a week for now.

The two of them were sitting on Jake’s couch. Amy was running her hands through Jake’s wet just-showered hair. She let her hand work mindlessly through it as she stared blankly ahead at the television. He said nothing but shifted all of his body weight towards her. Her other hand played with the fingers of one hand as his other lightly grabbed her arm. She tilted her head a bit and kissed a spot on his forehead.

“Amy, he said softly, “I really want to thank you.”

She looked at his eyes and saw they were red. “You don’t have to,” she said as she combed her fingers through his hair more, trying to soothe him as much as she could. He slid his body down on the couch a bit and let himself sink into it a little more.

“I know,” he said with a shaky breath, “but I want to. If you hadn’t…” his voice trailed off a bit and he cleared his throat. She didn’t want to think of what would have happened if he hadn’t gone to the hospital. “Just - thank you.”

She grabbed his hand tightly in hers. “I love you, Jake,” she said gently. He stared blankly down at the ground. “I’m here for you. And if this is something that happens - something you might need help with sometimes… well, you have doctors now, and you have medication, but you also have me.”

She saw the tears beginning to form on top of his eyelids. “I know,” he mumbled, “and I really am lucky.”

“You are,” she said as she poked his shoulder. “Things might not always be great, and things might sometimes get really rough. That’s okay. I understand that.” She pulled him towards her. “I’m not going to go anywhere.”

He grabbed her hand as she ran it through his hair again then pulled it around his torso. “I love you too, you know,” he said softly. “More than I… more than…” He couldn’t find the words, but she kissed him lightly on the lips.

“I know,” she said smiling. She traced her fingers up and down his forearm, lightly touching the diminishing white lines he had given himself earlier in the month. “It’s okay, really.”

They both stared ahead at the television as a commercial for an antidepressant came on. He pressed her body against hers and she wrapped her arms tighter around his body, trying to get him as close to her as she could. Their fingers continued to brush each other’s skin up and down. She tried to hide her sniffling but wasn’t managing it well.

“I’m so glad you’re here with me,” she whispered to him.

“Me too,” he replied softly.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John


End file.
